I recently came across a picture on Facebook that said: “Soft and kindhearted people are not fools. They know what people did to them, but they forgive, again and again, because they have beautiful hearts.” I loved this statement because, it describes me. I always felt like people would take advantage of my kindness because they would continuously hurt my feelings. I felt like people looked at me as if I was weak or scared because I would allow so much. To be honest, I even thought the same thing. However, I am beginning to understand how false such thinking is.
Today, I quit my job.
One day, it was a busy at work and my boss was not in a good mood. In hectic situations, I always try to remain calm and do my job the best that I can. However, that day, my best was not good enough. My boss came over, and rudely instructed me that I was not doing the right thing. In that moment I felt so small. I was embarrassed and began to cry, but couldn’t let it show. When I got off from work, I vented and it made me livid. In that moment, I was going to unprofessionally text him to let him know I quit. I was thankfully talked out of doing that, but I was convinced that this was it for me. I had four weeks left to work for the summer, but I planned to write my letter of resignation and go home before my time was up.
I had the letter written, signed, and sealed in an envelope. I ended up not being able to go in that day. A week went by, and I updated the letter, but it still never made it to my boss. You see, in that time, I questioned my motives for wanting to quit. Was it because my boss was rude? Or, because I didn’t stand up for myself? Do you just quit when things don’t go your way? This was the reason for my hesitation. I decided to stay the next few weeks, but to have a different perspective (I encourage you to read one of my best friend’s post on perspective, which gives good insight and help you to look at situations differently). I went to work to do my job, and tried to remain humble. “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9
The next few weeks were rough. There were days I wanted to walk out and not look back. However, I was persistent, and I tried my best to have a positive attitude. Then, it was time to start giving in schedules for the rest of the year. I knew that I did not want to continue, but I had to inform my boss. I got scared. He consistently asked for my schedule, and I consistently hesitated and made up some excuse.
The day came.
I got to work right on time, and it was just the two of us. He asked me, what I decided to do. I took a deep breath and kindly explained that I will not be continuing. I could see the disappointment in his face, but I continued. I explained that this job is not where I want to learn and gain my experience.He began to give me options that would help accommodate me, they were tempting, but I was sure in my decision. He then asked me if I was sure, and I said yes. This was the first time I ever had to do that. It felt amazing. It’s not amazing that I quit my job, and no longer have a main source of income, but what was amazing was, that I made a decision and spoke up. See, if I would have quit when I was hurt and angry, what would that have shown? It would not have shown my boss who I really am, which is a Christian. It was not my job, to reciprocate anger, which is what quitting in that moment would have done. God sees and all and knows all, and He takes care of His children. “Have I not commanded you? “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” Joshua 1:9.
I quit my job, but I quit something more important. I quit thinking that I am weak, and don’t have a voice. I quit thinking that being slow to anger, and slow to speak made me weak (James 1:19).
I wrote a letter to myself a few months ago, and I recently read it again. One part that stuck out to me was when I did some research and reading on meekness.
“For the Lord taketh pleasure in his people: he will beautify the meek with salvation.” Psalm 149:4. The definition of meekness is: “an active and deliberate acceptance of undesirable circumstances that are wisely seen by the individual as only part of a larger picture. The patient and hopeful endurance of undesirable circumstances identifies the person as externally vulnerable and weak, but inwardly resilient and strong. Meekness does not identify the weak, but more precisely the strong who have been placed in a position of weakness where they persevere without giving up.”
I usually am the type of person who likes to plan out everything. I think of every possible thing that could go wrong, and then plan even more according to that. However, the thing that is wrong with that, is it doesn’t give God any room to fulfill His purpose for your life. I was scared that being without a job, meant that everything would go wrong and I needed this job to survive. However, I know that all I need to survive is in God. He has never failed me before, and I am confident that he will not start now.
Don’t be consumed with the idea that your soft spoken voice, or your kindness makes you weak. That is not true. In fact, if you have those qualities, you are very strong! God’s love, grace, and peace that lives within you, cannot be represented with a nasty attitude, and making decisions out of a moment of anger or hurt. Let God be the one who takes care of your problems. I can tell you from experience, He is much better at it than you are. As always, Be His Masterpiece.